Mumble before facing challenges

Still, English is ruling the world.

Do not believe people saying that Chinese is becoming the most significant language in the world. Yes, it might, in condition ONE OF THE most significant language, but not to overtake English. So, I am dying now.

Received call from Mr. Adam an hour ago. And I just randomly started to google about Axiata Young CEO Development Programme after email Mr. Adam. The result shown freak me out, a lot, I mean SO MUCH. There are so many challenges waiting you throughout the programme. Then I suddenly found that the university life is indeed a super comfort zone for student. Now I can understand why the unemployment rate in Malaysia is that high. People out there, the entrepreneur world, the global world is competing fiercely, people are talking about profit earned in a minute, and people always come out with innovative idea to rule the world.

Contrastingly, students in university these days are about dying to manage only their academic. They complain about their assignment, they complain about not enough time for entertainment. They are so enjoy doing nothing and wasting lots of time on social media for those things that help nothing in their life. And I used to be one of them, so I am so nervous in facing the new challenge now. You are an empty shell. Students are secure nicely by lecturers and friends around them.

I’m so afraid that I am the stupidest among all the participants, in terms of language or knowledge. I’m so nervous to be in the new environment that I am not familiar with without all those people that I can rely and trust the most. I started to blame on self for being so naïve. I thought I can overcome all these obstacles but it was just all your thought. I’m really not that kind of person that can manage and handle stresses well. I hardly being productive.

I was so happy for having this one week break at first, to rest for a while, to away from the hectic life for a while but it seems like this is just an another naïve thought. Things are worsen when I started to fall sick and my eyesight seems like having some problem these days. Should go for checking tomorrow. Time is so precious to me currently. I have too little time to do too many things. And you are still procrastinating.

I enjoy those time I can immersed myself whole day in popular for free books, having a fine chocolate and watching entertainment show like nobody business.

Enough for the bla, weak is for night time; when the sun rises again tomorrow, I will be the superb Serena again.

April, please be kind to me.

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原来这个季节适合悲伤啊，三年前原来也是这样。祚给我的歌都忘了怎么唱，看回面子书回忆录才发现有这么一回事。

就是那么残忍的，曾经那么近的两个人，如今却无疾而终。

我不知道，明明郁郁寡欢，却做了非常欢愉的梦。场景居然是昔华，有最疼爱我的老师，不是柔同桌，好像是凯莉。她好像慢慢变成我生命的一部分了。明明就是可有可无啊，怎么会突然变这样了？不知道为什么，梦里就是很幸福，presentation 顺利，人生似乎一切美好。梦里都是缤纷，心情好得爆表。我多么不想醒来，但你也知道那是梦，只是梦。多幸福的梦都会醒来，会醒来其实就很好了，但不要再眷恋着频频回头望着泡影好吗。

你的未来，过去，我都参与不了，即便是现在都很勉强，那就算了吧。

没有人会愿意改变他最熟悉的生活方式的，爱情的酒精只会让你沉醉一时。当有一天酒精散去后，面对的就会是一场火山爆发，彼此述说着为了对方的牺牲。但其实大家都忘了，其实这些也都只是当初的心甘情愿。所以找一个心灵契合愿意接纳，而不是愿意忍受。

已经如此卑微，一把鼻涕一把泪跪求着不要再这样对待了，

你却微笑着温柔地玩弄于手掌心。 

但好角色从来不会出现在现实世界里，绝对不会让你鱼与熊掌兼得。

可不可以抱一抱，把支离破碎的心渐渐暖和起来。

到最后你才会发现，都是咎由自取，只有你在痛而已，

你而已。

对这首歌着迷，因为很适合。

不要开始，就不会结束而失落。

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Axiata Acceptance!

Words couldn’t describe how excited am I when I first saw the mail. The mail that I waited anxiously for days. As there were quite a number of mistakes I made when I answered the quiz, I actually feel like no hope for this golden opportunity. I thought I would missed it, again. But hey, with the blessed of Guan Yin, with the help of friends, I am who I am today. No words needed when I saw the acceptance mail. Heart beat increases as if I met my lover.

Was so excited at first, but worried come next. I’d been a potato for quite some time. I afraid, that I couldn’t perform well, to outshine glamourly once again. To become the top people among the peers, I think some sacrifice is needed to become a diamond. I have to be more discipline start from now. Sigh. This is hard for me as procrastinate has become a part of my soul. But, I look forward, for the super me, the perfect me. Tho I am super worry that I hardly cope it, to be balanced with my academic.

Aim for the moon, even if you missed, at least you’ll fall among the stars.

Surprisingly, feels are real. They did exist, and you do feel. You perceive, you sense, and now you can tell the difference. Sarcastically, words also do not even needed for the changes. 

Mistake made, and experience gained. You're a step ahead again and moving on to the right path. I shall congrats you for this achievement. 

Be the queen of your own, but not waiting to become a princess to a random anonymous. 

Crown yourself, value yourself. 

People are weird, often need a person to remind you those things that you'd already knew for decades.  智者最高的修行就是不为别人而动气。
The simple rule, the simplest principle that I knew but seldom apply. And I was reminded once again. I will, trying hard to apply in my daily routine life.
Lots of gratitude and much of appreciation for the kind words in making me a superb wonder girl.

Perhaps, to be busy and productive, is the real significance of life.

I am flying really soon. REAL SOON. To fly 4 times in a month is really new to me. 

Off to study. 

xoxo.

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复杂的人们

人与人之间的关系，若只有搞定和被搞定就简单多了。但人类从来注定就是复杂的。

我们有家人关系，夫妻关系，朋友关系，亲戚关系，朋友关系，同事关系，师生关系，而还有一个大家经常都会混淆的互相需要关系。很多会觉得那就是情侣关系啊。觉得那就是爱。人们就是那么无知。

互相需要的关系最残忍，彼此对对方很重要，却也都可以什么都不是。就像一起做project 的队员，他们在你生命中的分量不大，可是对于那个 project 是重要的。

就像员工与老板关系。员工看似对老板很重要，但其实老板没了这个员工，还可以再找新的员工。但很多员工只会无知地自以为是认为自己对于公司，对于老板很重要。

真的，没有谁会因为谁而活不下的。

这就是互相需要关系。而在我们的生命中其实也不少这样的关系，你却不知道，总自作多情以为自己对那个他有多么重要。这样只显得你无知的可怜。你以为的友情，你以为的爱情，你以为的山盟海誓重要的关系，其实说白了就是互相需要而已，彼此间什么情感都没有。

好了，回到自己。最近很暴躁，私人情感是一个，而学业又是另一个。结果昨天又一次地爆发，又一次地情绪管理不当，又一次地没有EQ。叹。快点过完这个礼拜吧。放假好好充电整理再继续剩下的7个星期旅程。

我没有想到他原来什么都看透了，感恩他的善解人意。真的衷心感恩。很喜欢这样的感觉。不用过多的话语，你却都明白了。那些应该明白你的人，却都死光了。

还有昨天晚上的四个头脑让我很感恩，一直都很感恩，同时也非常不好意思。啊旦出来问的话真的很惹恼我，你们在玩什么哦。哇佬，你觉得若只是一个无痛无痒游戏，会聚集五个脑袋那么认真地对着电脑吗。你可以回去你房间吗。哈哈哈哈哈哈。

一个人可以站得高看得远，或许有些是因为自己。而我清楚明白，若这次我真的入选，完全不是因为自己。人家感恩的老师的帮助，而我后面，都是一群善良的人们。有时也很内疚，好像利用他人来达到自己的目的。

总之谢谢了。谢谢，非常谢谢。

人类就是复杂的。一边拥有一边失去，一边选择一边放弃。

不要那么执着了。

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